24 September 2004

Garner Baby Length Fraud, Investigation Reveals

One day after releasing current weight and length of his child, Rick Garner says that he was provided inaccurate information. "I was duped," Garner said with shrugged shoulders as his sources confirmed that Georgia Kennedy Garner is only 23 inches and not the 33 inches that Garner released in his sporadically released newsletter.

"I checked facts twice but in the end, those facts were in error,"Garner continued. "Now, I'll have to rip up the check from the Enquirer."

Tabloids next week will instead focus on John Kerry being manipulated by mind-controlling aliens. Kerry claimed last week that he favored such actions by extraterrestrials. This week, he was opposed to the methods and called them "violations".